I came home from house group buzzing last night. I don't think it was because of the awsome worship or the laughs ("spiritual underpants" - don't ask). I think it was because of two things: firstly i felt completely and utterly loved and accepted - which shouldn't have suprised me at all. Not because the people aren't loving or accepting because they are. I've just made myself too busy and stressed to allow myself to feel it. Secondly, God showed me a little bit more how he's changing me. Let me explain.

So we were looking at unity and diversity in light of the 1 Corinthians 12 passage about the body with many parts. Basically for the past few years i'd read it and taught on it in the context of all parts of the body (church family members) having a job to do based on skills and abilities to make church happen. Of course this way of thinking reduces the church body into a robot whose parts could easily wear out if not oiled properly. Having reread the passage last night and discussed it at length, it dawned on me that Paul was not talking about skills and abilities, or treating the people who set up as equal to the people who lead worship (i think we are really good at that), it's all about spiritual gifting. The church body is made up of individuals who have a unique spiritual makeup - those who can teach or heal or administrate or prophesy or listen or perform the miraculous. That is what really makes church community work.

How much time and energy do we spend trying to recruit people for different teams to do different tasks to make church happen? Yes, service is important and there are things to be done but are we striving after the giftings or for someone to do the projector, for example. Did they have a rota system in the early church? I imagine that when people served it was to feed the poor and further the kingdom. I guess i'm asking myself if we are in danger of creating a machine that demands time and energy and money to keep it going and growing at the expense of the kingdom?

I guess my frustration started when, somewhere along the line, my desire to see young people following Jesus and furthering God's kingdom gave way to the pressure of making sure that Sundays "happened".

I'm glad that God's pulled me up on that one.

Is 3 months a new record for not blogging?

So it's all change in the Lewis-Norman household. Steve and I have resigned our Youth Pastor positions at church and we're focusing on us as a family and us as followers of Jesus. I miss the young people so much and i have found myself dreaming for them and for the ministry - but then i stop because i promised i wouldn't think about it. It's a tough discipline.

Having stopped everything, i went through a period of time twiddling the preverbial thumbs and thinking, "so what exactly happens now?". It's a curoius thing to feel redundant. You'd think with all the extra time and headspace i'd turn into a supermum, blog once a day, email friends and family overseas, have the dinner on the table for when Steve and Jon come home from work, and set about fixing the house. I am enjoying my time with Megan more though, she's properly walking and saying new words (doddy - dog, bidy - bird, pinin - pingu, appy - nappy) and discovered the tantrum. And my marriage feels different too (better different).

When we first decided we needed time out i felt God clearly say that I was so much like Martha, and that was a really bad thing because i was basically ignoring Him. So my mission for the forseeable future is to become more like Mary - to sit at His feet and not to move until He tells me otherwise. It is a hard thing to do. So we started going to a house group before Christmas (which is lovely) and we went to church on Sunday for the first time since stopping (which was refreshing) and it feels like the big thaw is on.