After receiving the threat (from the fascist blog police) of being wiped off forever from the BV website if i didn't blog pretty sharpish, i thought I'd show willing and actually write something. The problem is that so much has happened that it's tricky to narrow it all down to something readable, but I'll have a go.

I guess the past few months i have been dealing with a huge amount of frustration over an issue that i have a fairly limited amount of control over and no matter how much i try to persuade, cajole, comment, advise, get cross, and generally try to stick my oar in, nothing changes and i just end up looking and feeling like a chump. It is totally beside the point that clearly God has other ideas. But i wouldn't be me if i didn't kick and scream just a little bit. Interestingly I've started reading a book, a commentary on John's gospel, and currently (and appropriately) I'm reading about the raising of Lazarus and Mary and Martha's responses to Jesus. It's basically talking about not trusting when things don't seem to be going how you want it to go, about being arrogant enough to think your agenda is better than God's (ouch). I actually might write a book - "Reflections on Being a Martha". It would be autobiographical of course, and totally narcissistic but i feel i have a lot of material to use.

On a lighter note, Joseph is now 6 months old, 21lbs (which is quite heavy) and trying to crawl already. He says "a-da" quite a lot and is very, very smiley. Megs loves him and they play together - it's such a joy to see. I was feeling particularly hormonal last week and had a sudden panic that someday they might be sad, or hurting or lonely. It was horrible.

So i've started work again, in fact i'm sitting at the nurse's station writing this at 1.30 am. Night shifts are ok, especially when you're working with friends. It's tomorrow that's a killer. I'll start to flag at about 3pm (32 hours awake) and go to bed when Steve gets in at 6 (if i last that long). It would be fine if i went to the zoo or something out in the fresh air, but then i'll have to drive home and i daren't risk it (i have nearly fallen asleep at the wheel - not good). It doesn't take me long to get back into my usual routine but it does mean that i'm tired pretty much all the time - a bit of a party pooper really.

Anyway, back to work.